Archive for July, 2011

July 11th, 2011

Kill me now

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

Having a sense of humour can really help at work. Other people that is, not me.
When you are sitting with someone for an eight or nine hour shift, it really helps you get through the day if you can get a laugh now and again.
I think its generally true in our control room host the job used to be much more fun than it is now. That shouldnt be confused with less professional, mind. Its perfectly possible to do a good, solid and professional job but still have a laugh and enjoy it.
Im quite lucky, really. I work with some top folk.
There are people I would rather work with and, on the whole, I get to work with them fairly frequently. There are others.
One of the girls has a sense of humour like a bailiff at his own mothers funeral. Im certain there is more chance of raising Lazarus than there is of raising a smile.
Shes got the conversational skills of a mute housebrick.
You know if you have to sit with Angela, youll be making your own entertainment for the next nine hours.
Its not that Angela doesnt understand some jokes, I genuinely think she doesnt actually get the whole concept of what a joke is. You might just as well recite the Tale of the Ancient Mariner in Swahili, backwards.
I checked the duties this week to fond that Ive been paired with Angela later in the week.
If you dont hear from me for a whole, I might just have slashed my wrists.

July 10th, 2011

Cutting our choppers off

Posted in The Job - Comment by 200

Another week another way to save cash by decreasing the service to the public.

Apparently, there are 33 police helicopters up and down the country. They do valuable work; where would all those traffic cop-type programmes be without all the footage supplied by police helicopter units,  to any TV company that wants it?

Someone has worked out that forces which don’t share a helicopter could do so and they’d be able to  do away with ten whole whirlybirds.

Now, call be an old cynic, cut the number of traffic officers I don’t recall the motoring public getting a better service. When they cut the number of open police stations I can’t think of hearing about any phonecalls or letters from the residents saying what a brilliant service the force now offers. I don’t think forces which have merged firearms, traffic, scenes of crime  or dogs are saying how much extra coverage they get these days.

I think I’ll be on safe ground by suggesting that the chances of getting a helicopter to your job once the National Police Air Service is created will be a little worse than they are now.

July 9th, 2011

Unemployment figures rise

Posted in Other Stuff by 200

Hello, sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now but if you leave a message, someone from the News of the World will get back to you shortly. Actually, they won’t now.

Why did the News of the World reporter cross the road?

To go for an interview with the Sun on Sunday.

No seriously, I’m a little upset that the News of the World is closing today, it means I’ll have to start paying for Andrex again.

And finally…

My work here is done.

July 8th, 2011

That Benny Hill Moment

Posted in Videos by 200

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July 7th, 2011

Who cares?

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

I only ever bought the News of the World once. I turned up for work to hear rumours that one of my colleagues was featured, or rather his wife. Something to do with footballers.

I only did it because I wanted to see what her boobs were like.

I’ve probably got it in the loft somewhere with my photos from training school, moth-ridden tunic & Long service medal.

July 6th, 2011

A gathering of pillocks

Posted in The Job - General by 200

Some footage in the Daily Fail today of some twat in a Citroen Saxo failing to stop for police & endangering the lives of others. (I know that moniker applies to a fair proportion of Saxo drivers of a certain age & sex, but this one truly deserves the title).

Apparently he managed to get away after the pursuit was called off, and hasn’t yet been caught. But at least the car was crushed after being abandoned. Let’s hope a few more of the cars belonging to the arseholes standing at the side of the road cheering & videoing it are also crushed.

July 5th, 2011

When’s my next course please?

Posted in The Job - General by 200

I rather enjoy going on courses, especially these days; it gets me out of the control room for a day or two.

Courses come about less frequently these days since someone decided you could teach yourself by following a computer course at your workstation. This sucks. Going on a course should be about getting you out of the environment you spend your working life within and thus encouraging an atmosphere where you can take in whatever it is they are trying to teach you.

Sitting at a computer, just like you do all day every day, surrounded by people shouting out PNC results on the radio in one ear and shouting at  drunken abusive chavs who want the police “raan ‘ere naaah” is not the most conducive environment in which to absorb sufficient information so as to pass the ridiculously condescending test at the end.

The latest piece of ‘training’ is about 2012 and the emergency services. I’m told that all police, fire and ambulance service personnel will be doing this course, which consists of a few videos of Lord Coe & some token workers in all three services and appears aimed at the level commensurate for showing within a junior school. The irony is that the computers we work on every day, and therefore the ones we have to do the learning package on, don’t have speakers, so you have to watch several videos throughout it desperately trying to lip the correspondent.

It’s not the only one I’ve not been able to follow. The last one was something on mental health. I think it featured videos of people affected by mental health telling us how it affected them, but I’m not really sure.

The courses are done by the National Police Improvement Agency and are available to officers up and down the country. They’ve probably got a spreadsheet somewhere showing how many people have successfully completed the course. I doubt there are any statistics about how many of those who took the courses remembered anything.

July 4th, 2011

Just another day

Posted in Videos by 200

July 3rd, 2011

Doing it in the wind

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

So the bosses have decided that in order to save money from the Airwave bill, they should have less channels. You’ll recall the Airwave system of radio, it’s based on secure mobile phone technology. The company who provides it must have seen the police coming when they decided to charge ‘per minute’, and we agreed. So less minutes talking means more money saved.

Brilliant, except that means less radio operators who have to do more work because they now have more police officers on their channel & have to swallow all the work that the closed channels used to take. Oh, and people who want to talk on the channel now have to wait longer because more people are using it.

So now they have realised that people still need to communicate they’re now getting them to try & make the broadcasts shorter. Good luck with that one, I know officers who can talk for Britain, who tell you the ins & outs of a cat’s arse on every job when all you need to hear is “ASNT” (area searched no trace).

The chief likes it, apparently this new way of working has saved the force Ă‚ÂŁ49.50.

July 2nd, 2011

Police walk in to booby trap

Posted in The Job - General by 200

I’ve had worse…

A story from across the pond where police were called to the report of a domestic at a wedding.

On arrival they found 30-year-old teacher, Stephanie Robinette, in a vehicle outside the wedding event. She refused to come quietly as the officers investigated reports that she’d assaulted her partner.

As the officer tried to remove her from the vehicle, she told them she was a breastfeeding mother & promptly got out one of her breasts & began spraying milk at the officers.

She was subsequently arrested for domestic-related  assault, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, she pleaded not guilty to assaulting the officers. The Delaware County Sheriff told the court: “This is a prime example of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do”.

It’s not the first time this week that breast milk has been used as a weapon.

July 1st, 2011

Not just us then

Posted in The Job - General by 200

I like to keep a weather eye on what’s going in in the world of policing beyond these shores & my eye was taken with a story today about the Russian Police. It seems they are having the same pang of conscience that we in the UK are having over fitness levels of officers.

I posted just a couple of weeks ago about suggestions that the Police in the UK might actually do something about the appalling levels of fitness of some UK officers. The Russian Interior Minister seems to have had the same thoughts recently. He has told Russian officers to ‘lose weight or lose your job’ in an effort to improve the public perception of Russia’s officers.

I take an interest in the Russian Police because a few years ago I was involved in some professional exchanges with some Russian officers. I went on patrol with officers in several parts of that vast country. I even got to drive some of the worst police vehicles I’ve ever seen, ones that would have been taken off the road for construction & use offences in the UK but were in everyday use as patrol vehicles in Russia. Maybe, I’ll post about my experiences in Russia another time.

I was quite surprised that Russia didn’t already enforce a strict fitness regime with their officers. I assumed that this would be the case in the majority of countries & that the UK was 30 years behind everyone else in that regard. (maybe with the exception of America where it seems half the population are obese, wait a minute, who am I to talk?).

I’ll await with interest to see whether Russia or the UK are first to start sacking officers for being overweight. (I bet it’s not the UK!)