Archive for January 22nd, 2011

January 22nd, 2011

Shock for Police Widow

Posted in The Job - Satire by 200

In shock news today a woman has spoken about how her husband has betrayed her by deceiving her & living a lie.

Mrs Weeks, who does not wish to reveal her location, has spoken to the Daily Fail about 20 years of deception after discovering recently that her police-officer husband was not a police officer at all but an environmentalist.

“I met that bastard 22 years ago after he stopped me for dropping a Mars Bar wrapper in the town centre. He told me he could fine me but when I agreed to pick it up he said he would let me off. It was love at first sight. I had no idea that he was an undercover environmental campaigner. I mean, he had a hat and everything.”

Mrs Weeks explained that so-called ‘PC’ Weeks became a regular visitor at her flat and hey soon became lovers.

“He was fantastic in bed,” said Mrs Weeks, “I mean he could go for hours and took me to places I’d never been before. And what a package! I miss that part now,” she said after admitting she had left her husband of 19 years.

Their romance led to marriage and soon after two children arrived. “He told me they’d been orphaned in a plane crash & he couldn’t bear seeing them going to the local workhouse.”

Mrs Weeks soon fell into the routine of being a police wife. Mornings were spent ironing uniforms & nights were spent alone. “I thought he was out there patrolling the streets, making it safe for people to sleep in their beds at night when all the time he was crawling around some wood somewhere making sure nobody dug up badgers.”

“I should have realised sooner. He made a point of going round the house every five minutes switching off lights, I thought he was just penny-pinching. I didn’t complain when he sold the cars, even though I had to walk twenty miles to work. When he subscribed to the Tree Protection Society I thought he’d just taken up an interest in the countryside. I feel such a fool.”

PC weeks spent almost twenty years living a lie. He would leave the home in a nice shiny police uniform but spend his days waving banners at power stations or throwing eggs at politicians, before returning to his wife & family with tales of how many little old ladies he had helped across the road.

Meanwhile Mrs Weeks is trying to put the last 17 years behind her. “I’m just gutted he got away with it for 14 years. All I wanted was a nice picture on the wall, free donuts & the occasional ride in a  fast car. I can’t believe the irony that the pig I married isn’t actually a pig after all.”