Archive for April, 2009

April 10th, 2009

Pots & Kettles

Posted in The Job - Comment by 200

So the Met have been ordered to explain the tactics used during the G20 protests. Some people don’t like the tactic of “kettling” which is closing off escape routes & keeping the protestors in the same location.

I heard one of the Met Police Authority lady members on the radio a few days ago criticising it and bringing her awesome level of knowledge of dealing with violent protests with helpful suggestions (which were proved to be spectacular failures a long time ago, Poll tax Riots, Tottenham, etc).

Personally, if I didn’t want to get caught up & have my freedom of movement curtailed for a few hours, I wouldn’t go to the centre of a mass protest where it is clear that violence will take place, despite the fact that I myself would have no intention of being violent. Just the same as I don’t go shopping when I know the Premier Football club down the road is playing at home, nor do I go for a long drive to the nearest beach on August Bank Holiday. Freedom includes the freedom to make a rationale decision & then blame myself if I made a stupid one, rather than everyone else.

I have a suggestion for a tactic which will guarantee there are no complaints of being kettled. On the next demo, whatever that is, where violence is expected. I suggest the police don’t mention anything about violence, announce that everyone will attend in flowery pyjamas, singing happy songs, then stay in the police station watching porn all day & leave them all to it.

April 9th, 2009

Positive Action

Posted in The Job - Comment by 200

So Mr Quick has now resigned from his role as head of anti-terror policing. A resignation within 24 hours of the incident is reasonably quick.

The officer seen on the recent G20 video pushing a man who subsequently died as a result of a heart attack, has been suspended. Granted the incident happened last week, but the officer was suspended within 24 hours of his identity being known.

A bad week for the police is being mitigated with positive action.

Compare & contrast this to the misdeeds of politicians who, when they do go, usually take weeks of ‘full support’ of their respective leaders followed by a quiet resignation to have more time in the garden. They are rarely suspended or sacked. Perhaps, for once, they could take a leaf out of the books of the Met?

April 8th, 2009

Secret Raid Plans Revealed

Posted in The Job - Satire by 200

Bob Quick reveals the nations secrets
Bob Quick is an Assistant Met Commissioner in charge of counter-terrorism. He’s also a bit of a numpty.

Mr Quick was filmed arriving at Downing Street this morning. He was holding some paperwork as he alighted from his vehicle, doubtless the reports were to assist him in briefing lots of important expense-fiddlers in the government.

As a result of the secret stuff left in open view to the world’s media the police had to bring forward some plans for anti-terrorism raids & nicked lots of suspected naughty people in the north of the country today.

Apparently, the raids have been quite successful & ten people have been arrested.

Through the use of top secret technology, available to anyone with a zoom on their camera, 200 Weeks can exclusively reveal the content of the top secret raid plans…

April 7th, 2009

Taking Sides

Posted in The Job - General by 200

I saw this video earlier today on the Grauniad website. I watched it again on the Ten’o’clock News on the BBC.

I expect that there were many police officers feeling distinctly uncomfortable in an arse-shifting on chair kind of way as they watched this. The debates have already started on the Police Forums. As can be expected, there are people with very opposing views. I guess it’s hard to see an incident like this and not instantly take sides depending on you personal bias. Police officers are generally posting that the officers on the day were justified in using violence on protestors, non-police are generally saying they overstepped the mark.

If you’ve not seen the footage, go & take a look & see whether you come down on one side or the other, or if you’re going to reserve judgement until after the IPCC investigation.

I suppose the facts of the matter are that a man was pushed by a police officer, fell over & died of a heart attack a few minutes after getting up & walking off. The how, what, where, when & why of it are still to be revealed.

Whatever the result of the investigation, I would not like to be in the shoes of any of the officers present on that video.

You can get the 10-o’clock News version of the film at the BBC News website.

April 6th, 2009

Just a routine stop check ma’am

Posted in The Job - General by 200

If you ever get stopped, don’t stand between your car & the patrol car…

BLUtube is powered by PoliceOne.com

April 5th, 2009

Talking of Leaches

Posted in Other Stuff by 200

Another day, yet another government minister with both hands firmly stuck in the cookie jar.

Who can remember Tony Blair coming to power, when he announced an end to government sleaze after years  of Tory party misdemeanors?

It turns out to be true what they said – they’re all as bad as each  other.

Transport Secretary, Geoff Hoon, has been helping himself to seventy grand’s worth of taxpayer’s cash in the form of an allowance  for a second home.

This is  a man who, as Defence Secretary, lived in rent free accommodation at Admiralty House, rented out his own house to private tenants, & then claimed the free cash for a home in his constituency in Derbyshire.

Hoon, as is so often the case these days, denies any wrong-doing. He said “I only claimed  what  the rules  allowed  for.”

Hang on a cotton-picking minute. Do these people think we’re fucking stupid? Just because someone finds a way to exploit a loophole in regulations doesn’t justify it, certainly not morally if not legally. That’s how legislation is built. You devise a set of rules, someone finds a way round them so you adjust them to tighten up the loopholes. The person that found the way round them is just as morally bankrupt as someone who broke the bloody rules, as far as I’m concerned.

The same old fucking lame excuse of ‘I was within the rules’ just doesn’t wash. The simple fact is, you didn’t need the money, you didn’t need the house, you just wanted to get as much free cash as your greedy little hands could get. Is it any wonder this country is full of no-good, selfish spongers when the quality of those who are supposed to lead by example is the likes of McNumpty, Spliff, Hoon & all the others already exposed & those doubtless to come?

Admit the truth, resign & fuck off out of here  for someone who might just have better morals than the bunch of leaches you all are. Oh and pay the cash back before you shut the door on your way out.

April 4th, 2009

Murphy’s Laws for Law Enforcement

Posted in Other Stuff by 200

Not my own work…

  • Bullet Proof vests aren’t.
  • The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too.
  • The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you’ve been a cop.
  • CS Spray works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face.
  • Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.
  • lf you have ‘cleared’ all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.
  • If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.
  • Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
  • If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on ‘Eyewitness News’.
  • When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
  • If you drive your patrol car to the geometric centre of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.
  • You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don’t need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones that do.
  • If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for ‘complaints & discipline’.
  • High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
  • From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you.
  • Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.
  • On any call, there will always be more ‘bad guys’ than there are good guys, and the farther away your back up, the more there will be.
  • The longer you’ve been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.
  • Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn’t do it.
  • You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is “Boomer “.
  • The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.
  • If a large group of drunk bikers is “holed-up” in a house, the Department will send one officer in a beat car. If there is one biker “holed-up” in a house, they will send the entire S.W.A.T Team.
April 3rd, 2009

Lawyers (1)

Posted in Other Stuff by 200

Something a little bit different for this blog, but why not…

Q: How can you tell the difference between a lawyer lying dead in the road and a fox?
A: With the fox, you usually see skid marks.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, he’ll get the caretaker to do it. But, you’ll get the following bill:

  • Lawyer’s time (1 hour) £400 you sucker
  • Connectivity charge £100 – he called the caretaker
  • Staff charges £250 – secretary prepared bill
  • Research fees £422 – BMW payment due
  • Consulting fees £231 – senior partner’s BMW bill
  • Specialised equipment £120 – bought bulb
  • Delivery expenses £34 – had messenger deliver it
  • Rule 453.977(b)(1) charge £340 – 2nd partner Volvo bill
  • Q: What’s the difference between a hedgehog and two lawyers in a Porsche?
    A: The hedgehog has the pricks on the outside.

    Q: What do you have if you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
    A: Not enough sand.

    Q: How do you get a solicitor out of a tree?
    A: Cut the rope.

    Q: The tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an expensive dishonest lawyer are in the same room. There is £500 in cash on a table in the room. When they leave the money is gone. Who took it?
    A: Since there is no such thing as the tooth fairy or an honest lawyer, the answer is obvious.

    Q: What can a goose do that a duck can’t do and that a lawyer won’t do?
    A: Stick his bill up his arse.

    Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
    A: Their personalities.

    Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
    A: One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.

    Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
    The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
    1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this point being non-negotiable.
    2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
    3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “Partnership.”

    April 2nd, 2009

    Just Desserts

    Posted in The Job - Comment by 200

    I don’t suppose it was a surprise to anyone that the usual rent-a-mob suspects turned up in London yesterday. I think that what was suprising was that there wasn’t even more violence.

    It’s entertaining to listen to the different viewpoints of whose fault  everything was. Obviously, I have a biased opinion born of 30 years interacting with scum, liars & thugs. (no, not my colleagues!) And others will have an equally tainted opinion completely opposite to mine.

    It was interesting listening to the radio this afternoon in regards the poor chap who died during the demo. The good folk at Radio 5 didn’t put up anyone in support of the police but were happy to air 3 protestors who naturally blamed the police for the guy dying. They all said how the tactics of shutting the demonstrators into a small part of London was the direct cause of him dying because and ambulance couldn’t get to him in time.

    Despite this, one of the girls who assisted the man & called officers over to try & save his life is quoted in an interview as saying it took only 10 minutes for an ambulance to get there. None of the interviewees mentioned the fact that the officers, who performed mouth-to-mouth on the guy to try & save his life, had to drag him round the corner to get out of the way of the flying bottles being thrown at them.

    I like the photo below, it says so much yet it says nothing.

    We can make up our own story. Has the man been viciously beaten by the police whilst engaged in peaceful prayer? Has he been struck in self-defence following a full force drop kick at one of the officers? Has he been hit on the head by a bottle thrown by someone further back who doesn’t have the ‘bottle’ for full-on face-to-face conflict? Is it blood, paint or have Maccy-D been overexhuberant with the ketchup?

    Rioter & Police

    Personally, I like to believe that whatever happened, the fucker deserved it.

    April 1st, 2009

    Welcome, Mr President

    Posted in The Job - General by 200

    One of the good things about being a civvy in the police ‘family’ (yuk!) is that they can’t cancel your rest days unlike the guys & gals at the current party in London.

    I do feel for everyone who have their private lives disprupted in order to stand there taking abuse for days on end. Still, as they say, if you can’t take a joke you shouldn’t have joined.

    It remains to be seen how many ‘rent-a-mob’ turn up among the peaceful & largely well-meaning protestors.

    Meanwhile, here’s a picture of the American President arriving in the UK to the traditional Essex-girl welcome.

    Obama arrives in the UK