Archive for April 4th, 2009

April 4th, 2009

Murphy’s Laws for Law Enforcement

Posted in Other Stuff by 200

Not my own work…

  • Bullet Proof vests aren’t.
  • The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too.
  • The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you’ve been a cop.
  • CS Spray works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face.
  • Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.
  • lf you have ‘cleared’ all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.
  • If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.
  • Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
  • If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on ‘Eyewitness News’.
  • When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
  • If you drive your patrol car to the geometric centre of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.
  • You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don’t need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones that do.
  • If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for ‘complaints & discipline’.
  • High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
  • From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you.
  • Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.
  • On any call, there will always be more ‘bad guys’ than there are good guys, and the farther away your back up, the more there will be.
  • The longer you’ve been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.
  • Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn’t do it.
  • You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is “Boomer “.
  • The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.
  • If a large group of drunk bikers is “holed-up” in a house, the Department will send one officer in a beat car. If there is one biker “holed-up” in a house, they will send the entire S.W.A.T Team.