Archive for December 28th, 2008

December 28th, 2008

Keep it in your trousers, son

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

I used to worry that I had such a boring life. Well, that’s probably not true, worry’s  not really the right word. I’ve been quite a contented chap throughout my life, I suppose that’s why, after 30 years, I’m a PC.

I guess, being as I’m well into my middle-age, it’s more noticeable that I’m quite different from lots of my peers & colleagues. For a start, I’m much older than most of them. I often remark on how young the coppers are these days completely bypassing the fact that I joined as soon as I was 18 1/2.

I only have to check out Facebook to see how different my life is from all the young whipper-snappers. You won’t find a single photo of me with gel on my hair in some nightclub half-pissed with my arm round a mate, toasting the photographer with some gormless, drunken expression on my face.

On my rest days, at least for the last x-years, I’m to be found at home, with my family, I rarely go out on the piss, actually, I rarely go out.

When I need some fun or comfort in the bedroom department I can turn to my wife (providing there is a ‘z’ in the month & I have given 4 months’ notice & there is a solar eclipse due), I don’t need, or want to turn to the nearest female colleague who will give me 2 minutes of excitement & a lifetime of angst.

PCSO Bloggs, might call me one of those ‘holier than thou’ types, I don’t know. His current life appears to be far racier than mine. For a start he’s changed sex. Well, not literally, but in my mind. With a photo of a female PCSO on the blog since I became aware of it, I assumed he was a she. He has come out of the closet, so to speak, this week with the revelation that he is in fact a he! That’ll teach me to make assumptions.

He’s recently gone over to the light side & is currently training as a new sprog PC. His last 2 entries have been like an episode of the News of the World & Eastenders rolled into one. Turns out he’s shagging away from home, and having resultant er, problems.

He’s not the first, nor will he be the last. I’ve always assumed there is something unique about being a police officer and shagging around. Maybe it’s just that everyone does it no matter what occupation. I’ve certainly always been aware that there seem to be a higher proportion of mates  who are divorced or separated in the job than friends I’ve had outside the job.

Maybe there’s some sociological research which shows that working long hours on shifts with individuals who have more than just a working reliance on each other means they end up shagging. Or perhaps there is an element of power hunger in those who don the blue serge that they feel they need to conquer. Or maybe working amongst lowlife for so long grinds your own moral ethics down so badly that it’s easy to forget you ever had the morals to stay faithful. I don’t know.

I know loads of coppers, male & female, who have had affairs. If not joining them makes me ‘holier than thou’, I can live with that.