Archive for December 1st, 2008

December 1st, 2008

Those leaked arrest details in full

Posted in The Job - Satire by 200

The world of politics was thrown into confusion & uproar today when information about a recent police operation was leaked.

It was alleged that a certain individual has, for many years, been receiving ostensibly secret information from a number of sources & acting on that information.

Details remain sketchy but my sources reveal that a high-level male was arrested earlier this week & taken to the Metropolitan Police’s top security custody suite at a secret location in London. Nine officers from the anti-terrorist squad attended a location in the North to make the arrest which involved a search of the male’s private quarters & a number of workshops situated behind massive security facilities on his property.

Jack Shit, Opposition Spokesman on Home Affairs said “This is outrageous, since time immemorial, we have relied on the passing of information at this time of year, it’s both in the public interest and the interests of almost every decent family in the country. I shall be demanding to know who form the government sanctioned this operation.”

Few details are known about the male said to have received the information, but it is understood that details were passed to him in a series of letters. He is being referred to, among police circles simply as “Mr S”.

Home Secretary Jacqui Spliff said “I deny knowing anything about anything. The police acted on their own volition after I told them to sort it out, I mean, I didn’t tell them to arrest Mr S, if indeed, that is who they arrested, on my instructions.”

A male was seen leaving Paddington Green police station by the back door, covered by a blanket. He was described as a ‘rotund gentleman’ & was wearing a red suit.

A spokesperson for David Cameroon said “Every year, millions of citizens send information via various routes to a completely made up address which doesn’t even exist. If this information was not leaked, how the fuck would Santa find out what the kids want, if indeed the person arrested was Father Christmas, which of course, it wasn’t.”

In a leaked email to the acting head of the Metropolitan Police, Treasury Spokesman Alistair Useless said “For fuck’s sake get him out by the 24th or the economy is going down the pan, if it hasn’t already. Which of course it hasn’t. Possibly.”