Archive for February, 2008

February 9th, 2008

Trusting Solicitors – Update

Posted in Not the Job by 200

Regular readers will recall the story I did a while ago regarding one Jim Beresford, a solicitor who was getting rich by ripping off miners over their claims for poor health compensation.

Companies of the ilk of Mr Beresford were charging miners fees from their compensation awards which the government had already paid, effectively charging twice for a minimal amount of work.

Some good news for the thousands of miners have been ‘defrauded’ because the Legal Complaints Service are to contact 500,000 miners regarding these false charges which could see millions being returned to the miners. The government has paid out around £7.6 billion to 760,00 miners suffering from respiratory diseases (blimey, that’s an awful lot of miners!).

MP  Kevin Burrow said "Some solicitors have got richer out of this scheme."

February 8th, 2008

Winehouse Blues

Posted in Not the Job by 200

Working with a shift mainly made up of women, I get to see an awful lot of trashy celeb magazines. I don’t generally read them as I’ve no interest in the lives of the rich & stupid, and to be honest, I’m fed up to the back teeth with people of questionable talent who suddenly achieve riches beyond most people’s wildest dreams and don’t have the first idea how to control it.

I’m sick to the back teeth of hearing about how Amy Winehouse needs help. As far as I’m concerned the only help she requires is to divest her of a significant proportion of her massive riches (in the form of some hefty fines) & a spell between the four walls of one of Her Majesty’s finest establishments. I was somewhat gratified that the USA appear to be taking a step in the right direction by refusing a visa to the drug-crazed bint. What a pity that the people who run the Grammy’s aren’t following the same line and are allowing her to perform via satellite link.

A good start would be for the Grammys to refuse to have anything to do with her, all radio stations to take her off their play-lists & then the message might get round that she is an appalling roll model for youngsters who just get to see that drugs misuse & huge earnings are acceptable partners & there are no consequences to illegal & ill-advised behaviour.

If she wants to snort mind-altering substances up her nose, I really don’t have any problems with that, it’s her life. But I don’t see why she should profit whilst doing so.

February 7th, 2008

Revenge can be Sweet

Posted in Not the Job by 200

One of the biggest pains of my online life is bloody spam email. It is no exaggeration to say that 98% of all emails I receive through various sources, are a complete waste of space. If I’m not being told my girlfriend wants me to have a larger todger I’ve won some lottery and all I have to do to get my hands on the winnings is give my bank account details to some Nigerian criminal.

Even with anti-spam software I still get bombarded with shite which takes up my precious time if only to delete the bloody stuff. Wouldn’t it be nice to get your own back on some of these worthless toe-rags who blight everyone’s existence?

Take a look at 419Eater, a website which showcases the innocent punter who has got his own back on some of the the Nigerian Scam artists. OK, he hasn’t locked any up, nor has he capped any of them, but he has made a few of them look stupid. Check out his email replies and the photographs in which he gets the scammers to pose holding ridiculous messages up to the camera.


February 6th, 2008

Self Fulfilment

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

Auto-erotic asphyxiation, what’s that all about?

For those not in the know it’s a sexual practice which can lead to an unexpected & sudden death (unexpected by the person who dies & everyone else who never knew they partook of that particular act).

Apparently, & I stress I have no personal experience of this, cutting off one’s air supply whilst indulging in an act of sexual fulfilment can lead to heightened excitement. What usually happens is the partaker, who is usually alone,  engages in the ancient act of "knocking one out" often with the assistance of some visual aids such as those sold in certain gentlemens’ emporiums (or seedy websites, apparently). Having been jump-started by looking at porn they get into their strokes whereupon a noose of some description is placed around the neck. The "wankee" shall we call him, usually raised from the ground by standing on some weight-bearing implement such as a stool or a fallen tree, then proceeds to take their weight round the neck by semi-hanging themselves & thus bringing their efforts to reach sexual nirvana to a climactic explosion of serendipity & a wet carpet.

Unfortunately,  many people have, during the heights of ecstasy, fallen off the stool or log & hung themselves.

Now wait a minute! In the words of some ageing rock star or other, ‘I’ll do anything for love but I won’t do that’. The riskiest thing I do for sex is to ask the wife twice in the same quarter. Premature ejaculation I can deal with but premature death?

I’ve dealt with 2 such incidents in my time and heard of several others. Someone has to tell the family, that’s where muggins steps in. You feel almost compelled to guild the lily a bit. I mean, how can you tell the wife & kids what he’s been up to. "Mrs James, it’s about Graham, I’m afraid he may have hung himself." "Oh my god, suicide you say? Thank god for that, I couldn’t live with the shame if he’d fallen off a log in the woods jacking off to photos of the Home Secretary again, I kept telling him about that."

You wonder what goes through the man’s mind just after the moment he realises he’s taken it too far & unconsciousness followed by death washes over him. "I wish I’d taken notice of all the penis extension pill emails, oh the shame."

February 5th, 2008

MPs & Scandals

Posted in Not the Job by 200

I see our MPs are up in arms over one of their number being bugged by the police during a prison meeting with someone who was awaiting extradition to the United States on charges of supporting terrorism.

It seems that an MP who happened to be a childhood friend of the suspect visited him in prison to discuss how to get him off being deported. His conversation with the suspect was recorded without his knowledge. "How could this be allowed to happen", "Who was responsible?" "Did government ministers approve this?" These questions are bouncing round the walls of Westminster this week as everyone there displays their shock & horror that a 40-year-old protocol appears to have been unilaterally binned by the police.

I am somewhat surprised that there is an expectation that an MP is sacrosanct from intelligence/evidence gathering, especially given the performance of quite a few MPs who appear to be far from untainted when it comes to both criminal and ethical transgressions. After all, it’s not as if any of them have ever served prison sentences for serious crimes, or alleged to have made personal profit from involvement with mass murderers, or illegally taking money to ask questions in the House, or profited to the tune of hundreds of thousands by employing members of their family to do work which didn’t exist, or authorised bribes to sell arms, or became embroiled in sex scandals (sorry too many links to list them all), etc, etc, ad infinitum.

Given the amount of alleged criminal, deceitful & downright unethical behaviour from such a small group of individuals, I think they’ve got a bloody cheek to expect to be left alone when it comes to criminal investigations, by whatever method of evidence-gathering.

February 4th, 2008


Posted in Blogging by 200

I’d be really grateful for some assistance from you lot out there.

I’m trying to make sense of my user stats and would love to know how you found my blog & how long you’ve been reading it.

Can you leave a quick comment on this post please, I’ll be your bestest friend…

February 3rd, 2008

A Few of my Favourite Things

Posted in Not the Job by 200

Not much time today for anything thoughtful, so here’s a collection of videos of one of my favourite things – motocyclists making arses of themselves.






February 2nd, 2008


Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

How many everyday jobs have the potential to stop conversation and make you feel instantly awkward?

I was out this evening with a group of people who didn’t know what I did for a living. Over the years, depending on who was listening depended on what I told people I did for a living. Sometimes I was a copper, sometimes I was a driver, worked on computers or whatever. It’s not because I’m embarrassed by what I do, it’s because sometimes i don’t want to hear the ins & outs of a cat’s arse on someone’s latest speeding ticket, nor do I want to discuss the pros & cons of capital punishment.

You get various reactions when people hear you’re a cop. "You look like a copper" is a good one. "That’s funny because you look just like a quantity surveyor. (or is that merchant banker?)." "Oh, no, and there’s me banging on about speed cameras", was what I had tonight. As if I give a flying f*** about speed cameras when I’m in the pub on my day off. (or, indeed, when I’m at work)

You wouldn’t start a conversation with someone you’ve just met by saying something like, "Oh, you’re a webmaster? I had this webmaster once, a right arsehole, always banging on about how he knew best, took the piss out of all his clients, and overcharged them." But it’s somehow OK to tell me all about some overbearing copper from the Met in the 1990s.

Because you’re meeting a new group of people and you want to get on with everyone you end up listening to reels of rubbish about coppers & coppering when you’re actually trying to forget it for a while. You put up with it because saying you’re not f’ing interested or tell it to someone who cares, doesn’t go down to well in the first throes of a new relationship (friendly rather than romantic, although it would probably be worse in a potentially romantic relationship).

So next time you meet someone & find out they’re a copper, just smile or nod and move the conversation along on to something like the weather or the price of the round you’ve just bought.


February 1st, 2008

Bloody Hell!

Posted in Blogging by 200

I apparently, have a reader who is a nurse in A&E, Mousie. She commented on my previous post about drink driving as I suppose be both see the aftermath of such, only we see it slightly earlier than she(he?) does.

Mousie kindly made an entry on her(his?) website saying "If you’ve never read 200 weeks before, now’s the time" & linking to the drink drive video article. So if you’re visiting this blog as a result of following the link on Mousie’s blog – welcome, and big thanks to you, Mousie.

The reason for the gratitude is that my hit rate in the last 24 hours as somewhat rocketed – well in my terms it’s rocketed, I expect many others are used to seeing figures well above what I reach.

To give you an example, when Inspector Gadget added me to his links, he became the best referrer to my blog over & above David Copperfield’s by maybe 3 to 1. Today, 42 people visited me from his blog. I’m usually happy if I get over  200 unique visitors a day so a quarter of them coming from him is quite impressive. I have had over 300 visitors I think twice, my maximum being 316.

I’ve just logged on to make up something for today’s post only to see that Mousie has sent no less than 150 visitors and yesterday I had 417 visitors, today I have 579 – 274 above my record!!

Cheers Mousie, I’ve not linked to any non-police blogs yet, so in honour of your patronage, I’ve added a link!