Archive for October 6th, 2007

October 6th, 2007

Bean Counting for Beginners

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

I spend half my time as a controller ringing people up apologising on behalf of the chief constable that nobody has been to see them yet.

On a late shift we usually try and ring people before the night shift come on duty to explain that nobody has been free all day to see them so the night shift have less jobs to deal with and people aren’t in bed when they ring them to tell them what they already know; that we didn’t turn up.

I think the chief constable should ring a few people up & explain why his policies mean there are lots of people every single day who only want to speak to a police officer the same day as they call but can’t. Maybe after the chief had been given ear-bashing after ear-bashing he might want to think about the effect this has on the perception of the public and why so many think they are let down by a crap service.

The trouble is that getting an officer to see someone isn’t a government target so nobody gives a rat’s arse that I have to ring Mrs Miggins sometimes 3 or 4 days running saying sorry we’ve let you down again but we haven’t had time to see you. Ironically, answering their telephone call asking to speak to an officer is a government target.

We have lists and tables which would clear a town-sized area of the Amazon Rain Forest detailing exactly in minute detail how many calls per squillionth of a second we take and how many milliseconds it took to answer them. They have tables on who answered how many calls, how long it took, what their average time to answer was, how many times they pressed the button to send the call to another operator because they were busy or lazy, all with wonderful colour charts saying we answer 97.657788432% of 999 calls within 7.625 seconds and 82.9986219% of all other calls within 19.356 seconds. We’ve employed lots of people to reach these targets. Lots of telephone answerers, we’ve given them minimal training so 76.45% of the calls they take and the jobs they create as a result of the calls they take are shite and need a controller to call the person back to take the correct & actually useful information. And 42.876% ((I made all these figures up as I have no actual knowledge of the specifics, nor am I interested in them)) of all people who ring the police have to wait a day or more before they see  a glimpse of an officer.

So nobody cares how long someone has to wait to see the police. As long as their call is answered within a few seconds they can go and swivel if they actually want a proper service.