Archive for April 20th, 2006

April 20th, 2006

Motoring Surprises

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

If you’re going to break down, it’s probably best to avoid doing it on the motorway.

If you’re going to break down on the motorway, it’s probably best to avoid doing it in the carriageway; there is a wide, greyish strip to the left of the main lanes, no it’s not meant for impatient queue-jumpers, it’s for breaking down on.

If you are going to break down on the motorway in the carriageway, it’s probably best to avoid doing it in lane three. (That’s the really fast but where all the BMWs are).

If you are going to break down on the motorway, in the carriageway, in lane 3, it’s probably best to avoid doing it on a downhill section especially around a right hand bend.

And if you are going to break down in lane 3 of one of the country’s busiest motorways on a downhill stretch, concealed around a right hand bend, it’s definitely best to avoid sitting in the vehicle. That’s when you are no longer known as the driver but the ‘target’, or ‘sitting duck’. That’s what the gap between the barriers in the central reservation is for.

And if you have the misfortune to find yourself the victim of all the above circumstances please don’t wander into lane 3, lift up the bonnet and stare at the engine. If engines repaired themselves with a good stare, I
wouldn’t be paying mechanics £75 an hour to fix mine.

Watching this exact scenario the other day was like watching an episode of the Wacky races seeing all the cars and cans careering over the lanes in an effort to a) brake and b) make a quick exit from lane 3 into lane 2 at speeds of around 70 – 90mph.

Seeing some idiot parking his vehicle 50 yards ahead of you on a bend at 90 does tend to concentrate the mind, if not make next week’s laundry come a little sooner.

Some drivers really don’t have the brains they were born with.