October 26th, 2008

We’re all Criminals now

Posted in Other Stuff by 200

Do criminals ever feel like criminals?

I ask this because people often say they feel like criminals when they’ve done nothing wrong. I have a certain sympathy for this view. Standing in the queue at Tesco this morning I was behind the lady being served. She put her bank card into the little payment machine thingy & then covered up the whole keypad with her purse to such an extent that she couldn’t see the keys, she proceeded to tap in the PIN by feel, or memory, or some second sight.

I suddenly felt all indignant, like, why are you doing that, I have absolutely no interest in your PIN; I felt like a criminal, people needed protection from me stealing their credit card details.

Of course, a lot of people, myself included, feel guilty when going through Customs. Whenever I go through the ‘nothing to declare’ channel I feel like I’m being watched. I suppose this is natural, after all, I am being watched. But I feel guilty & I know the Customs Officers can feel my discomfort & this makes them more likely to stop me & go through all my unmentionables, which will cause even more consternation & embarrassment.

Whenever I pay for something at the shops with cash, am I the only one to feel like a criminal when the assistant takes my hard-earned spondoolicks & proceeds to hold them up to the light to check for Her Majesty & the silver strip? You mean you think I might have just taken that off my money printing machine at home or need to launder twenty quid through the same Asda checkout I’ve been using for years?

I don;t visit the doctor much but I do feel agreived trying to get my case past the secret police on reception. I’m made to feel like a bloody criminal because I’m ill. “You do realise the doctor is very busy?”

“Yes, I’m so sorry but if you could tell me how to retrieve my bollocks from the mincing machine, reconstitute them & attach them back to my scrotum I’ll not take any of the good doctor’s time.”

I think we should get our own back. Next time you go to the bank for some cash, make sure you carefully & deliberately check every single individual note by holding it up to the nearest light & when you’ve done that make out you’re not quite convinced it’s genuine, tear the top of each note near the silver strip, draw across it with a UV pen & then examine it under a handy pocket-sized microscope you just happen to have in your pocket.

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  1. Litew8 says:

    RE: “I think we should get our own back…” – I saw come chap in Sainsbury’s do just that… the casher checked his note (£20) by holding it up, so when he got his £5-something change he held it up to the light, checked the strip, and tried to bend each coin with his teeth to check it was genuine… she was not amused, but the rest of the queue was :) Brilliant!!!


    October 26th, 2008 at 14:19

  2. Litew8 says:

    Please excuse the typos… above…

    October 26th, 2008 at 14:22

  3. MarkUK says:

    “The doctor is very busy”

    “Yes, so am I, but I don’t get £120,000 a year to compensate me for being busy.”

    October 26th, 2008 at 15:29

  4. MetAnon says:

    i sometimes think along these lines when i feel the need to enter the nick through the front door…
    but then we all know what happens if you dont have the airlocks and glass screens i suppose.

    October 26th, 2008 at 19:19

  5. Tony F says:

    Thank some unspecified deity! I thought it was only me that felt like that! I know it’s sad, but I even feel guilty if I fail to indicate at a junction…..

    Litew8, I would do that, but I would feel guilty afterwards….

    I rang the doctor’s surgery the other day, as predicted, the SS on reception asked what the problem was. Well, being an electronics engineer uniquely qualifies me to the mysteries of medicine, I told her I had minor chest pains (Don’t panic, it’s something I have had before, and no doubt will get again. Usually treated with antibiotics, but one does need a prescription) She told me that if I turned up, they would call an ambulance and take me to A&E!!!

    I would have laughed, but for two facts: My chest hurt, and I was at that moment at the top of my ladders…..Ibuprofen works well too.

    October 26th, 2008 at 20:34

  6. Mosh says:

    I’ve done the “checking money” thing before. It does really annoy them. Mind, you’re effectively blaming the poor bugger on the counter for a policy set by “them upstairs”. A little like blaming a PC when he turns up 2 days after you were mugged to get the details instead of 2 *minutes* after when he could have caught the thug who did it…

    As for feeling like a crim, have you ever seen a cute little baby or a sweet child in a supermarket and given them a little wave or stuck your tongue out or just smiled? You know, kids rock. They’re amazing. Best things in the world. But show the slightest inclination towards actually appreciating how great they are and how lucky the parents are to have such a bundle of cuteness and joy and you get stared at as if you’re the next Gary Glitter.

    October 27th, 2008 at 11:18

  7. bill says:

    I always feel guilty when going through the Green Channel at Customs. Why?

    Well, for a start I’m always carrying 200 fags over my allowance and an extra bottle of Scotch.

    Amazingly, I’ve never been stopped.

    But, it’s long overdue, and I have prepared myself for that eventuality. I shall burst into tears…that should work!

    Shouldn’t it..?

    October 27th, 2008 at 21:20

  8. Chunkybetty says:

    As a copper, you may or may not be aware of this, but I for one get that same ‘customs’ feeling whenever a cop car goes past, and then worry that I’m more likely to get stopped in the street for looking shifty and have my unmentionables examined. Thankfully, and inexplicably, it doesn’t happen when I walk past an Officer, which is handy as I live with one!

    October 27th, 2008 at 22:59

  9. Fee says:

    I always get that guilty feeling in Customs as well, depsite never smuggling anything in my life …. I never even try because my husband is one of those people who always, always, gets stopped.

    October 30th, 2008 at 16:24

  10. Stonehead says:

    When I first came to the UK, I’d been wandering through the Far East and then Northern Europe so I was looking a tad scruffy as I wandered through Customs. I had a red bandanna keeping my hair vaguely in place, ancient army trousers, walking boots, a shirt that came from a stall in Thailand, and a jacket that looked like a relic from the original hippy trail. All that, plus a decrepit ex-army pack and a fair amount of stubble.

    A Customs officer caught my eye, so I wandered over and said “I suppose you’ll be wanting a look through my stuff?”

    He laughed and said, “No mate, you’re too bloody obvious”.

    October 31st, 2008 at 00:45

  11. Meldrew says:

    I always cover my hand when typing my PIN – it’s become a habit after the incidents at cashpoints where crooks have concealed tiny cameras by the keypad.

    I have also upset many shop staff by checking the notes they give me in change with the same suspicion they check mine with – - -

    November 2nd, 2008 at 15:27

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