May 17th, 2008

Hymns & Arias

Posted in The Job - General by 200

I reckon the guv’nors dread it when they get the call to say Her majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary is coming to call. 

It must be the same for head teachers & school governors when they learn they’re next in line for an Ofsted check.

If you’re really lucky the HMI will pick your department to come & inspect. I have no idea what they do when they ‘inspect’ other than inspect a lot of things & some time later write a report saying how bad we’re doing. Sometimes the HMI will want to see lowly PCs which must strike fear into the hearts of chief inspectors & superintendents. HMICs must know this. They must also know that if they want views free from management speak & corporate indoctrination, they will only get it from those with nothing to lose.

The HMI came to our force. Some of us on the shift  were to be granted an audience the him, whether we wanted one or not.

Names were duly picked & on the morning of the visit the chief inspector came down to see the shift inspector. I’m told the conversation went something like this:

C/Insp: "Ok Inspector, everything sorted for the HMI’s visit this afternoon?"

Insp: "Yes, sir."

C/Insp: "I take it you’ve ‘specially selected’ the officers to see him?"

Insp: "No, sir, we did it completely ramdomly by drawing names out of a helmet."

At this point the chief inspector gulps & the blood slowly starts to drain from his face.

C/Insp: "I take it then that those officers have been properly coached?"

Insp: "Coached, sir?"

C/Insp: "So we’re all singing from the same hymn sheet."

Insp: "No sir, not at all, if the HMI ants to speak to officers who have been told what to say he can speak with the divisional management team."

The chief inspector, now white was last seen locking himself in an office.

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  1. whichendbites says:

    We have had the ‘specially selected volunteers’ to see the same when he arrived at the CTCC. Under no circumstances is WEB to get a chance to speak, make sure this officer is gainfully employed elsewhere.

    Is it policing by numbers or painting by numbers?

    I can never tell. Either way everyone knows what the picture will look like at the end of the day.

    May 18th, 2008 at 00:03

  2. Annette says:

    It’s the same when anyone gets their bosses coming round. Everything is cleared up and spotless, then it’s back to normal when they’ve gone.
    It’s the same everywhere.
    Though they should see the reality of it all.
    But I bet they know whats going on.

    May 18th, 2008 at 11:52

  3. Civ_In_The_City says:

    What gets to me is the idea that the worst thing you can do is tell the truth, or show the day to day activities as they really are.

    If everyone from the ‘shop floor’ through the management up to senior ranks, and then the inspectorate all want to pretend there are no problems why do they think they`re all employed.

    The way ‘spin’ and being seen to be ‘on message’ has become more important than integrity, initiative and properly solving problems is what is doing the damage to this country.

    Like the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program, the first step is to admit that there`s a problem to be solved, whether it`s routine stabbings or radical preachers promoting terrorism.

    May 18th, 2008 at 15:20

  4. Plodnomore says:

    The year before I retired the HMI visited our nick and apparently requested some time with beat officers. The officers chosen were one on a ‘fast track’ promotion scheme; a female officer; an Asian officer and an Afro-Carribean officer, one of whom was also a member of the local Gay and Lesbian Association. We were assured that the selection was completely random and above board. Of course we believed it, just as we also believed that Elvis is alive and well and stacking trolleys for Tesco in Wolverhampton.

    May 19th, 2008 at 22:53

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