March 9th, 2012

This week I have been mainly…

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

…sending officers to chase horses.

I don’t know what it is about bloody horses this month. It’s as if the combined equine hive mind has conspired to gather together for a mass break-out of the divisions horse community.

Horse jobs usually come in as immediate assignments because when they get out of their fields they are usually walking, trotting or running down the middle of the road. I’ve always thought it rather strange that in a division which is about 99.5% grass, a loose horse will always gravitate towards the busiest road. Because horses make an awful mess of cars and¬†occupants¬†of cars – you should see how a normal family saloon comes out of a one-on-one battle with a horse – we blat around the countryside looking for them when they get out of fields, which is surprisingly regular.

Nine times out of ten they disappear long before we get there, which is probably just as well because the average plod has no expertise in horse whispering, even if they can get hold of the damned things. We’ve closed several roads this week while a bunch of coppers have been flapping their arms trying to persuade a horse to bugger off back into the field, any field. ¬†It’s amazing how many fields in the division have little gaps in hedges which hold back vast herds of horsey pals with nothing stronger than police crime scene tape.

I went to a head-on with a horse once. How the driver wan’t killed I have no idea, the roof of his Mercedes was almost completely crushed. The horse was still alive, it had horrendous wounds. which included a snapped leg dangling by sinews and an open chest. My request for the firearms unit to put it out of its misery was denied, apparently the public don’t like the sight of police officers killing pets, so the poor animal was forced into a slow, lingering and no doubt painful death, while we waited 90 minutes for a vet to arrive. The horse died just before the vet turned up. I secretly wished the control room inspector a similar end.

Sometimes we can locate the telephone number of the owner, who is usually a member of a certain non-domiciled fraternity. It’s amazing how many times people must have let the horses out of the field and never anything to do with the owner not being arsed to repair any fences, that’s if they own or rent the field in the first place and haven’t just abandoned the horse anywhere someone isn;t looking because they can’t be bothered to pay the same fees that responsible horse owners have to.

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2 comments

  1. Keith says:

    Re “certain non domiciled” we have been told we must not use derogatoory terms such as “pikey” we are to hencforth refer to them as Caravan Using Nomadic Travellersm. Much more appropriate don’t you think?

    March 12th, 2012 at 00:46

  2. russell glen says:

    you can eat horses cant you ?

    March 12th, 2012 at 22:56

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