March 31st, 2008

Give & Take

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

It’s usually swings & roundabouts in this job; what they give with one hand, they take away with the other.

The penalty for having great hand dryers in the bogs at work in Control Room Towers is the piss-poor urinals (see what I did there?).

For those not acquainted with the finer points of public convenience design, there is a definite art to using them if one is to avoid what we in the trade call ‘splashback’.

Splashback is a phenomenon which is almost exclusively a hazard for males & consists of going into the plumbing area with attire which is completely dry but emerging minutes later with tiny splashes down the front of the trouser leg.

What I want to know is which part of the urinal do you aim for in order to minimise the risk of splashback? Do you go for the back wall, do you aim straight for the little hole in the middle of the plug hole which, by the way, appears to be the same circumference as the average stream of ‘product’, Do you aim for a side wall. And as for pressure, do you just let it out under normal gravity-like pressure or do you put some force into it? When I used to play snooker I knew that when you aimed a ball at the cushion it would come off the cushion at the same angle it went in (provided it didn’t have spin), so how come no matter which part of the urinal I hit, with all its various curves & angles, the splashback heads straight for my right thigh. It’s like it’s bloody homing urine.

This only happens at work, most other urinals manage to contain the liquid & funnel it straight down the plug hole. The ones at work must leak about 30% of the content over my bloody trousers!

That’s why going for a piss at work is one of the least pleasurable experiences of my working day.


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  1. blueknight says:

    …. and the next day, when you steam iron the trousers, you get an instant flash back…

    March 31st, 2008 at 22:35

  2. Essy says:

    An ex colleague of mine always used the WC in the cubicle rather than the urinal, pulling his leg about his embarrassment at lack of endowment, he simply replied “splashback”. Makes sense.

    April 1st, 2008 at 09:22

  3. Litew8 says:

    Personally, I have to recommend aiming for the curves of the side wall… and take a step back moving closer towards the end of the cycle. But, there is something to be said for taking a seat on the WC… might have to poke it down though… wouldn’t want to have it jet out from between the rim and the seat, otherwise you’d have more than 30% of product on the garment.



    April 1st, 2008 at 19:01

  4. annette says:

    Haven’t a clue, I’m afraid.

    April 1st, 2008 at 19:10

  5. tim says:

    In a pub next door to an East London Police Station……………. in the Gents……………. a sign ………………………….

    “We aim to have the highest standards of cleanliness – please advise if these are not met”

    “Oy, Landlord – your toilet standards are not met – you forgotten the puddles of urine and the smell”

    “We don’t want that sort of thing”

    “It’s the Mets standard”

    April 1st, 2008 at 20:47

  6. blueknight says:

    OK, who is going to admit to seeing how far they can walk backwards while still hitting the target??

    April 1st, 2008 at 23:10

  7. Plodnomore says:

    It helps if you stand at least 3.5 inches from the lowest edge of the urinal; rest your main body weight on your right leg if you dress on the left, otherwise it’s vice-versa; lean back slightly; aim downwards between 37 and 43 degrees and let the flow come out naturally, It always works for me. Oh, by the way, did I mention I take my trousers off beforehand?

    April 3rd, 2008 at 21:01

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