March 31st, 2008

Give & Take

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

It’s usually swings & roundabouts in this job; what they give with one hand, they take away with the other.

The penalty for having great hand dryers in the bogs at work in Control Room Towers is the piss-poor urinals (see what I did there?).

For those not acquainted with the finer points of public convenience design, there is a definite art to using them if one is to avoid what we in the trade call ‘splashback’.

Splashback is a phenomenon which is almost exclusively a hazard for males & consists of going into the plumbing area with attire which is completely dry but emerging minutes later with tiny splashes down the front of the trouser leg.

What I want to know is which part of the urinal do you aim for in order to minimise the risk of splashback? Do you go for the back wall, do you aim straight for the little hole in the middle of the plug hole which, by the way, appears to be the same circumference as the average stream of ‘product’, Do you aim for a side wall. And as for pressure, do you just let it out under normal gravity-like pressure or do you put some force into it? When I used to play snooker I knew that when you aimed a ball at the cushion it would come off the cushion at the same angle it went in (provided it didn’t have spin), so how come no matter which part of the urinal I hit, with all its various curves & angles, the splashback heads straight for my right thigh. It’s like it’s bloody homing urine.

This only happens at work, most other urinals manage to contain the liquid & funnel it straight down the plug hole. The ones at work must leak about 30% of the content over my bloody trousers!

That’s why going for a piss at work is one of the least pleasurable experiences of my working day.


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