September 29th, 2011

This week I have mostly…

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

…been  sending officers to offer a personal, tax-funded parenting taxi service for recalcitrant teenage girls who can’t be arsed to do what they’re told.

I can’t believe we have to put up with this shit, day in, day out.

What happens is Ms Single-Parent calls the old bill when little 15-year-old Chelsea decides she doesn’t need to follow the rules and wants to spend the night drinking fruit-flavoured vodka whilst being fingered on the swings by however many similarly recalcitrant spotty oiks happen to be out that night.

Mum usually says something along the lines of: “I want to report my daughter missing, again, they said if it happened again you’d go and collect her and bring her home.”

Of course the reply from the calltaker should be something like, “fuck off, who do you think we are, a free parenting taxi service, get off your arse, switch off the Sky box and go and get her yourself, you lazy cow.”

To which the reply will be either, “I’ve had a bit to drink” – funny how many parents are drinking the night their kids go AWOL – or, “I can’t leave the house ‘cos I’ve got six babies asleep.”

Whereupon the old bill turns round, lifts up it’s corporate trousers and shouts “take me roughly and don’t bother about the lube.” In other words, they create a log entitled “Missing Person.”

We then spend the rest of the shift driving round the town looking for Chelsea, knocking on all the addresses she’s been found before and generally doing stuff that a particular group in society should be doing, they’re called ‘parents’.

We sometimes do this several days running, and it’s not unusual to do it several times in the same shift. I’ve lost count of the times we’ve had a call from Ms (or, to be fair it is sometimes Mrs or Mr) Single-Parent (though it’s not exclusively single parents) saying, “As soon as the police left, Chelsea ran out the back door again.

We do this time and time again, meanwhile all the people who have been burgled and have been waiting 8 hours to see an officer get a phone call at 11 or 12 at night from their local constabulary saying, “Sorry we’ve had nobody free, are you available tomorrow?”, again.

The reason we do it is because nobody has the bottle to say to parents, sorry, that’s your job. And the reason nobody has the bottle to say this is because if Chelsea ends up face down in a ditch or the lads on the swings go too far, it will be the fault of the police.

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  1. Oi says:

    The only 24 hour social service.

    Oh how glad I am to be retired – and far removed from the animal-pens where I worked my former life!

    September 29th, 2011 at 23:59

  2. Jimbob says:

    It’s ok though, because when we take the ‘child’ into police protective custody on their third occasion missing in the same day social services turn up after 3hrs, tell us off for disrupting the child’s routine and take them back to useless parent.

    September 30th, 2011 at 12:10

  3. Fee says:

    They should be allowed to send the parents a bill for the fuel used, and officer’s time, if they’re repeat ‘offenders’.

    I’m a parent, and it’s my job to find my kids if they stay out late. It’s called taking responsibility for the life/lives you brought into the world.

    September 30th, 2011 at 12:52

  4. Paul says:

    “It’s called taking responsibility for the life/lives you brought into the world.”

    Great idea, charging them, won’t ever happen, this scum don’t ever take responsibility for anything.

    September 30th, 2011 at 15:32

  5. Blueknight says:

    Do you still have the 28 page misper forms that asks what colour tent the misper is using..?

    September 30th, 2011 at 20:04

  6. z says:

    There is always the ‘full’ house search that can be done as per the misper policy, tear the place apart (although sometimes the result of this is negligible from the original state) and they will not ring again.

    You can spot a real misper a mile off, sadly most of the time we are bogged down with the Chelsea’s of the world and get a bit bitter about it.

    October 1st, 2011 at 08:49

  7. Bof says:

    Whats this about Jimbob getting Social Services to turn up? It seems the only time we have contact with ours is after 4pm on a Friday afternoon, when they ask us to do an urgent welfare check on one of their charges that they haven’t seen for the last 3 weeks. Of course some scoundrels have suggested that the only reason they are calling is that they have suddenly realised that they have done bugger all with their “ugent case” this week and to stay behind for a couple of hours would spoil their weekend protesting about (insert most fashionable cause here). Wasters!

    October 4th, 2011 at 08:28

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