March 16th, 2008

Pleasant experiences

Posted in The Job - General by 200

What’s great about your job?

I’ll tell you what’s great about mine. The bogs here have the best hand driers I’ve ever come across.

There’s nothing worse when you’re out for a night’s drinking than having to spend valuable drinking time standing around while wringing your hands under a mildly cool wisp of air which comes out the machine with the same force as a mosquito’s fart.

Digressing slightly, but isn’t that one of the worst-used phrases in the English language?; Nothing worse…. nothing worse than, whatever it is. There’s nothing worse than waiting in all day for a parcel that never comes, you say? Yes there is! Having your balls nailed to an oak tree while a tiger chews its way up your penis as the mad axeman of old London town charges at you with a very angry look on his face & an even angrier axe whilst holding two 40 foot steel poles during the biggest lightning storm the world has ever known just after your wife has run off with that bloke round the corner & their new baby having taken your entire Dr Who DVD collection is worse than waiting in for a bloody parcel which never came, if you don’t mind me saying.

Anyway, the warm air blowers in our bogs are fantastic. The air comes out at a speed weather presenters get really moist about. There are some probationers I know who would have serious health & safety issues just standing under one (yes, some of them these days will fit under one standing at full height).

That’s why going for a piss at work is one of the most pleasurable experiences of my working day.

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