March 16th, 2008

Pleasant experiences

Posted in The Job - General by 200

What’s great about your job?

I’ll tell you what’s great about mine. The bogs here have the best hand driers I’ve ever come across.

There’s nothing worse when you’re out for a night’s drinking than having to spend valuable drinking time standing around while wringing your hands under a mildly cool wisp of air which comes out the machine with the same force as a mosquito’s fart.

Digressing slightly, but isn’t that one of the worst-used phrases in the English language?; Nothing worse…. nothing worse than, whatever it is. There’s nothing worse than waiting in all day for a parcel that never comes, you say? Yes there is! Having your balls nailed to an oak tree while a tiger chews its way up your penis as the mad axeman of old London town charges at you with a very angry look on his face & an even angrier axe whilst holding two 40 foot steel poles during the biggest lightning storm the world has ever known just after your wife has run off with that bloke round the corner & their new baby having taken your entire Dr Who DVD collection is worse than waiting in for a bloody parcel which never came, if you don’t mind me saying.

Anyway, the warm air blowers in our bogs are fantastic. The air comes out at a speed weather presenters get really moist about. There are some probationers I know who would have serious health & safety issues just standing under one (yes, some of them these days will fit under one standing at full height).

That’s why going for a piss at work is one of the most pleasurable experiences of my working day.

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  1. Stan Still says:

    Have you got one of these?

    If so, then I’m jealous. They are the mutt’s nuts. The pinnacle of hand drying technology. I want one for our bathroom, but one that’s big enough to put my whole body in!

    March 16th, 2008 at 17:44

  2. bill says:


    Funniest thing I’ve read in ages.

    March 16th, 2008 at 18:18

  3. Lorenzo says:

    The whole of society owes a huge gratitude to those who choose to be the real police. Your sacrifice of having to work for insensitive, incompetent managers and political buffoon masters is mirrored throughout the world of work but without you, society would sink to the common level of the chav and criminal underclass.

    All that separates us from the tribal warfare seen in the third world and countries of stone age religions is the civilized proportion of our western society protected at the final fence by you the shift working police. The military protects the country but if used at home then we will have sunk to the level mentioned above.

    Politicians may think they are the be all and end all of everything but for all their good intentions, their painfully slow ability to change anything for the good and their corruption and all the damage they do, renders them to a level of the chav and criminal overclass.

    Keep up the good work, there are many millions of ordinary MOPs who do support you, understand you and to a lesser extent suffer all the same job related stupidity you Blog about.

    March 16th, 2008 at 19:35

  4. blueknight says:

    Where I work now there is a sign in each cubicle saying ‘Please leave this toilet how you would like to find it’
    No one ever leaves it how I would like to find it or there would be a well stocked magazine rack, a nursey type lady dishing out massages and a working expelair system.(Not necessarily in that order)

    March 17th, 2008 at 00:37

  5. mancmonkey says:

    Must remember not to drink whilst reading one of your postings, will save me having to wipe the monitor down and having to change clothes.

    That was bloody funny!

    March 18th, 2008 at 20:50

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