February 15th, 2011

This job’s a joke

Posted in The Job - General by 200

Because we cannot attend everything the public want us to attend, people are getting quite cute about the way they phrase their request for police.

You wouldn’t believe the amount of fights we go to where it turns out there is no fighting just a drunken, noisy party going on, or the amount of punch-ups where weapons of many & varied descriptions are sighted, only to be completely absent on police arrival.

I’m sure there are lots of occasions of people assaulting each other who have the temerity to lie to the police & say that they were merely having a discussion & don’t want to press any charges, but there are probably lots also of people genuinely just having animated discussions where the witness has been a little less than forthcoming with the actuality of the raw facts.

We had several noisy parties this last weekend. We don’t attend noisy parties any more, not unless people are fighting. I was reminded of the following joke.

A man was going to bed one night when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see the light was on from the bedroom window. As the man looked for himself  he saw that there were people in the shed taking things.

The man phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in the area to help him at that time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.

He said “OK,” hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. “Hello” he said, “I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now ’cause I’ve shot them.”

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the officers said: “I thought you said that you shot them!” The man replied, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

You can skip to the end and leave a comment. Pinging is currently not allowed. RSS 2.0


  1. Kev says:

    I was in the police in pommyland and now am in the police in Oz and while I never went to noisy parties or loud music in pommland. I go to them all the time here. In Oz we have some very good powers for dealing with low level nuisance behaviour that blights peoples’ lives which the coppers in the UK simply do not, but should, deal with.
    Firstly, our Environmental Protection Act allows me to issue an on the spot fine, or arrest and seize the source of noise pollution if I consider that there is too much noise coming from a property.

    Second, Here I have a power to require a person to move on, or Cease Loitering, as they call it. This doesn’t mean that I can just move on a member of the public because I feel like it. An offence has to have been committed in the vicinity or I must have reasonable cause to believe that an offence, or breach of the peace, may occur if that person, or persons does not move on (hoodies at the local shops, drunks outside pubs and clubs).

    Our hoon (anti boy racer) legislation allows me to impound a crooks car for many offences. See and hear a mobile disco? Tell him to turn it down….see the same car five minutes later and hear the same doof-doof racket?…Big fine and car seized! Drink driver? Car seized! Fail to stop? Car seized!

    Lastly, the power to require personal particulars. Name, date of birth and address of any person who has committed an offence or any person I have reasonable cause to believe may be able to assist in the investigation of an offence or suspected offence. Stop a yob not wearing a seatbelt? You can name-check everyone in the car as they are witnesses to the offence…..

    The difference in the quality of life I can afford people is massive and for the Guardianistas….Australia is hardly a police state. I still have to be able to justify everything I have done!

    February 16th, 2011 at 13:32

  2. Blueknight says:

    we used to get complaints about cars on double yellow lines. Then, after double line parking was decriminalised and the complainants were told it was not a Police matter they continued to report it as obstruction of the highway.

    February 16th, 2011 at 21:13

  3. Dawn says:

    Well…it’s a game…we all know it…and the public are just learning how to play it better while those above who make and break the rules laugh at us all squabbling amongst ourselves.

    February 17th, 2011 at 10:23

  4. Jimbob says:

    I suspect such imaginative reporting of incidents from the public will only increase as our budgets decline and the top bosses have to start deciding which things are no longer a police matter.

    February 17th, 2011 at 15:58

Leave a comment