I don’t normally have much time to read books. I’m either working, or wasting time trying to think up subjects for blog posts in a crazy effort to continue posting one post every single day. (It seemed like such a good idea at the time).
I tend to do most of my reading on the bog. It’s the only place I can shut myself away from the madness of family life. I even go in there for a bit of peace & a read when I don’t have any natural ‘ablutions’ to perform, which is strange because even then I still remove the keks, maybe it’s some kind of comfort, a yearning for the safety & security of my mother’s womb; the feeling of bare arse on plastic.
So what have I been indulging in recently? I’m glad you asked.
You can’t be in this job longer than a few minutes to feel deluged by politically correct policies & practices. So it’s nice to go back to the ‘old days’ now & again. If you want a good laugh & feel like sticking a finger up at the nearest Diversity Officer, take a look at ‘Horses Arse’ by Charlie Owen. It’s subtitled ‘Life on Mars meets The Sweeney‘ & tells tales of the goings on in the late 70s in a fictional town with a fictional cast with not a scent of political correctness in site. Charlie Owen was a real copper who served 30 years & I have no doubt that some of the stories are based on real life. Apparently, the Daily Record said "It’s rude, crude & grittier than the M8 on an icy day…".
Get it before someone bans it.
My other bogside reading is ‘The Rules of Modern Policing‘ by DCI Gene Hunt. Yes, that’s the fictional DCI of ‘Life on Mars‘ fame. The book contains his insights & advice on police, policing, crime & society & villains takes over where the series left off. It contains such helpful assistance as "Blaggers go out & take whatever they want rather than work to earn it. But that’s OK – once you know what they want you can plan ahead, can’t you? Say you’re dealing with a gang of bank robbers…You don’t start keeping your eye on florists, do you? Stake out the banks!" Describing his Ford Cortina, Hunt says "There is no better car for pursuit either; I push the pedal on this and the vibration alone could make a nun cum. This thing has thicker carpets than your front room and more wood than Sherwood Forest."
If you can’t wait until the erstwhile DCI re-appears on the screens later this year, grab a copy of his bible, you know it makes sense.