What is it about the youth of today and coats?
While I’m up to my arse in the latest clothing technology designed to keep me warmer than anything else ever designed by man, anyone under the age of about 25 is wandering round the town centres in climates I normally see on Christmas films in just a short sleeved shirt or a minscule dress.
Call me old fashioned but when I go out of the warmth of my house or place of work, I want to be reasonably comfortable and I want to know that my body will function as near to normal as possible. Has mankind evolved so much in the last twenty years that we are now able to go out half naked when the ice is on the ground?
"Here, fancy giving that lad over there a bloody good kicking?", "Er, sorry, but I’m not capable, my knees are knocking together faster than a Patrick Moore xylophone recital and it’s nothing to do with being scared." Or "what about shouting some abuse at that copper?" "No, my lips are numb and nothing resembling speech will form from them."
Strange. But the biting cold doesn’t appear to stop them getting involved in the usual Saturday night revelries of getting pissed, removing all the town’s hanging baskets, riding around in shopping trollies and kicking people lying on the path in the head.
I reckon we missed a trick when Captain Scott went to the South Pole. What a waste. We could have shot Amundsen right up the arse if we’d just have kept Scott at home and sent a bunch of chavs. None of this "I’m going outside, I may be some time," only for them all to perish. We could have sent some drunken louts who’d have made it right across the Antarctic in just a white short sleeved shirt and a few Mars Bars.