In yet another triumph for detection rates police in Bangor, North Wales, managed to detect a serious crime of criminal damage & anti-social behaviour after two 16 year old girls were issued with £80 fixed penalty tickets for drawing hearts & rainbows on the pavement… in chalk.
Quite right too! If we don’t stamp on yobs & louts who are often seasoned criminals by the time they are six, where will it all end? One minute they’re drawing pretty little fairies in quiet residential streets the next they are wearing balaclavas and shoving sawn-off shotguns up Asian postmasters’ noses.
Chief Constable Paul Stats-Slave said "That may be two entire families alienated from authority & distrustful of the police for the rest of their lives but it is two sanctioned detections for us and that is what really matters. Can I have my QPM now please?"
Federation spokesman Alan Useless said "Sadly, all evidence of the crime disappeared when it rained so let’s hope they paid the fine without fuss."
Chris from Holmfirth ( a real person, presumably) commented on the BBC website "I thought the writing was on the wall for this country. I was wrong, it’s on the pavement." Classic.