May 30th, 2007

You can’t have your Cake…

Posted in The Job - Satire by 200

As I stocked up with donuts for another set of shifts yesterday I couldn’t help but be drawn to the newspaper section at my local Tesco, whereupon I happened to glance at the Daily Mail headlines on the front page. Apparently, 90,000 speeding cops have been let off speeding tickets.

I have to agree with the general theme of the article, I mean, who do we think we are exceeding the speed limits whilst trying to catch criminals and save lives? It’s a bloody disgrace, talk about one rule for us & another for the rest of them!

The answer is that we must have speed limiters fitted to each & every police vehicle. And now! That way we will never be able to break the limit ever again. After all, allowing someone such as my good self who has done weeks of highly intensive training to bring my driving skills above 99.5% of the rest of the motoring public and thus allowing me to drive safely at speeds in excess of 30mph is complete madness. This is trust gone crazy.

The benefits to society of limiting the maximum speeds of emergency service vehicles would be manifold; massive decrease in fuel bills and carbon footprint (whatever that is but it seems to be mandatory to quote it as often as possible these days), no police vehicle accidents, increase in work opportunities for criminals as more will get away, shrinkage of the prison population which would in turn save the government and hence the taxpayer millions in associated cost savings and no need to waste multi-millions building new prisons. Everyone’s a winner. 

When I retire (which is looking oh so wonderful these days) I may put in for a job on the soon-to-be-announced Government Highways Officers Scheme whose sole purpose will be to walk in front of every police vehicle waving a red flag. 

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