October 6th, 2005

Thus Spake the Custody Sergeant

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

You spend a lot of time down the cell block, well, you do if you are one of the few ‘front-line’ officers these days.

Some days it can go:

  1. Turn up for work, cup of tea, get turned out of readup for a job (or ‘shout’)
  2. Get to job, make arrest
  3. Get to cell block (or ‘Custody Suite’ as the touchy-feely people have renamed it)
  4. Spend ages waiting for prisoner to be booked in
  5. Quick report
  6. Get turned out from arrest reports to another shout
  7. Get to job, make arrest
  8. Get to cell block
  9. Spend even longer waiting for prisoner to be booked in because the Custody Sergeant now has at least one extra prisoner from your last arrest and has to show him the wine list before booking in your new prisoner.
  10. Quick report
  11. Get turned out from arrest reports to yet another shout
  12. You know the rest…

You pretty much see it all, from the outraged at being incarcerated, to the fighters, escapers, people who just scream, people who pretend to faint. Some people will do anything to avoid suffering the consequences of their illegality.

We had one such the other day, one of the more vocal ones. Everything he said was at 195 decibels and usually involved veins on the side of his neck doing their own light show.

After booking him in the Custody Sergeant announced to the officer which cell his man was to be taken. Slight physical encouragement was required to remove the ‘customer’s grip from the custody desk, along with the usual ranting about human rights, police state, wait til I see my solicitor, you’re gonna lose your job, yadda, yadda.

The look on his face when he actually saw the cell was a treat, after all, some of them don’t appear on the hotel 5 star lists.

You can’t keep me in there, now way, get my solicitor, you can’t keep me, what’s the charge?”

And from the depths of the custody suite came an age-old repost from an age-old Custody Sergeant, “There’s no charge, it’s absolutely free”. emoticon

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