February 14th, 2007

Calling all cars….

Posted in The Job - General by 200

Despite having record numbers we are not attending more & more incidents. Either we don’t have enough front-line officers to deal with everything or someone has simply decided it’s a waste of time and withdrawn the service. Neither of which appease an increasingly annoyed public.

However, I have a little-known trick that just about anyone can pull to guarantee the appearance of a friendly bobby or two on your doorstep; just say that whatever it is you are reporting was a racist incident. There is no requirement to show that it was actually a racist incident. No need to show that any racist behaviour took place. Just mention that you think it happened because you are black & this guarantees a response. (NB. also works with Asian, Chinese, Jewish and gay people but not necessarily the old or stupid). 

By the time the officers get to you and discover there is no racist element it’ll be too late, they’re already there so they’ll have to take your report.

It also helps if you are in a minority group to phone in every 15 minutes demanding to know when someone will attend your racist incident. Soon someone in the control room will realise that a racist incident hasn’t been assigned as a top priority & start putting pressure on the controller to get someone to deal. You could at this point go one better than this & get your local minority community group committee involved. They will have the personal number of the local diversity inspector who will take up the demands for an instant response on your behalf. The diversity inspector will be on the phone to the control room inspector who will demand to know why this racist incident has not been dealt with yet & put even more pressure on the controller who will eventually cave in & send a unit to your complaint about kids chucking snowballs at you.

Job done.

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