September 11th, 2006

He hasn’t been seen for a few days…

Posted in The Job - Experience by 200

‘Concern for welfare’ calls can be a right pain in the arse. 99% of them are about people who can’t get through on the phone to someone and can’t be arsed to go round there & check they’re OK so they get the police to do it.

You get to the address & the subject answers the door wondering what all the fuss is about. They sometimes say they don’t actually want to speak with the person who made the call (the concern-or) so they didn’t answer the phone to them.

Alternatively there’s no reply, just an awful smell through the letter-box which can be accompanied by a rather large amount of flies behind the net curtains. These jobs are quite easy also, they just take a little longer to deal with and once you’ve broken in, if anything is suspicious you hand it over to some squad or other while you stand in the street avoiding domestics and other shite.

The ones which are the pain are where you don’t get any reply, there’s no signs of life inside and no strange smells. This leaves you with a quandry; do you break in & then have to justify it to the finance officer when she’s sorting out the claims for compensation from someone who was out shopping, or do you leave it and then appear on the front of the News of the World for failure to do anything to prevent the death of poor old Mrs Miggins who had been lying on the kitchen floor for 3 months before she expired due to your negligence?

We had one where we decided to break in. I was with my mate Jim, who used to be a teacher (and funnily enough still is having jacked the job in after about 12 years). Jim put the front door in causing a not inconsiderable amount of damage in the process, only to find it wasn’t actually the front door, but the lobby door leading to the front door within. So we had to put in one of the small panes of glass in the actual front door. On reaching inside for the door catch I found the door was double-locked and the key wasn’t in the lock.

Plan B called for the smashing of the window in what we took to be the kitchen door at the side of the house. The glass was covered by a dark sheet or curtain of some description so we couldn’t see into the kitchen. I smashed the window and knocked the glass out with my baton only to find that the item covering the inside of the glass wasn’t a curtain, it was the back of a rather large kitchen dresser which had been pushed up against the kitchen door years earlier since the occupant never used that door. We couldn’t shift it.

It was getting to the stage where there wasn’t a great deal of glass left on the house, nor letters left in the plan alphabet,  but we went to the rear and smashed one of the 2 double-glazed windows. The old boy must have been watching those adverts or reading his crime prevention leaflets because he had dutifully removed all the keys from the double-glazed window locks meaning we had to smash in all the glass before being able to climb in through the hole we’d created.

As Jim was climbing through the window a rather bemused looking elderly gentleman appeared from the hallway adjusting the hearing aid he appeared to be fitting to his ear to the sight of two hairy-arsed coppers entering, billy burglar style, through his living room window.

We’d managed to cause about a grand’s worth of damage to find out he’d left his hearing aid on the coffee table. I don’t think he was very placated when Jim said; “Still, at least you’re OK, that’s the main thing, eh?”

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  1. ExtraSpecialCopper says:

    :mad: that story is brilliant!

    September 17th, 2006 at 17:18

  2. bj says:

    re “Concern for welfare” calls

    for what its worth I’ll tell it from the other side

    I had a friend ring me and tell me they had taken a massive overdose, I was miles away, I rang the coppers local to my friend and told them exactly what she had done, asking that they go around and persuade her to go to hospital

    What did they do, they went round chatted for 5 minutes, and she convinced them she had not taken any tablets and off they went

    Absolutely appalled as I drove from one end of the country to the other to take her to hospital

    Not all “Concern for welfare” are bogus, and I just wish this one had been taken more seriously by the boys in blue

    September 23rd, 2006 at 22:05

  3. 200 says:


    therein lies the rub, we can’t win. Should the officers have dragged your friend screaming and kicking and forced her into an ambulance?

    September 24th, 2006 at 02:30

  4. bj says:

    given the emotional state she was in a few more detailed questions would have had her break down in tears and admit the truth

    sadly they probably went away and nicked someone for doing 45 in a 40 limit or other such priority police work

    September 24th, 2006 at 10:10

  5. 200 says:

    and there speaks the voice of someone who clearly hasn’t a clue what sort of work front-line police officers have to deal with every day.

    If it helps you feel any better, without knowing anything about your case I can more or less guarantee that they didn’t go from your friend’s house to do anything so useful as nicking someone for doing 45 in a 40.

    September 24th, 2006 at 11:03

  6. OJW says:

    how come you don’t carry the key to a standard double-glazed window? aren’t they all the same?

    March 20th, 2010 at 22:13

  7. 200 says:

    We probably left it with the skeleton key which opens all front doors & the set which gets us into all cars for numpties who lock themselves out.
    I don’t know about you but in my own house we have 4 different keys for our ‘standard’ double glazed windows.

    March 21st, 2010 at 09:13

  8. Stan Still says:

    Can you imagine the uproar from Liberty if it were the case that we did have keys to every lock on every door in the country? They would go berserk?

    However, no-one seems overly concerned about the bloke from Locks-R-Us who carries around enough kit to gain access to virtually every house on your street!

    March 21st, 2010 at 10:03

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