January 15th, 2009

Cutting Crime at a Stroke

Posted in The Job - General by 200

I have a plan which could cut youth crime at a stroke & also help to save one of this country’s greatest traditions.

I would like to see the following added to the statute books ASAP & to see magistrates & judges implementing it forthwith.

Anyone under the age of, say, 35, on conviction for any offence for which a custodial sentence is not issued, would be tagged, but not in the traditional electronic-monitoring-over-the-phone type tag, but with a much cheaper & more obvious tag. They would have, affixed to their lower legs, both, a set of small musical bells, such that every pace they took would ring out loud & clear in a jingly announcement of their presence. They would be made to wear an easily identifiable uniform, similar to the orange-clad inmates on the chain gangs of Texas, but in the case of the UK, they would be white. A hat would also be provided thus making it clear to everyone within sight or sound of the perp, that they were a convicted criminal carrying out their dues.

They would be required, every Saturday & Sunday for a pre-determined period of not less than six months, to attend their local town centre & a selection of village greens, whereupon they would be made to ‘parade’ for the delight of such local populace who chose to view them. The ‘parade’ would be in the form of a quaint old English dance, performed to the accompaniment of an accordion played by a middle-aged man with a beard and a funny hat.

During said dance they would be required to wave small white handkerchiefs around while prancing up and down in time to the music, to the clapping of any such members of the public pre-notified to attend the spectacle.

Thus a favourite age-old tradition would be preserved & after a maximum of two performances the aforementioned perps would vow never to enter the judicial system ever again; crime  figures would fall through the floor, everyone’s a winner.

For more, check here.

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