January 15th, 2009

Cutting Crime at a Stroke

Posted in The Job - General by 200

I have a plan which could cut youth crime at a stroke & also help to save one of this country’s greatest traditions.

I would like to see the following added to the statute books ASAP & to see magistrates & judges implementing it forthwith.

Anyone under the age of, say, 35, on conviction for any offence for which a custodial sentence is not issued, would be tagged, but not in the traditional electronic-monitoring-over-the-phone type tag, but with a much cheaper & more obvious tag. They would have, affixed to their lower legs, both, a set of small musical bells, such that every pace they took would ring out loud & clear in a jingly announcement of their presence. They would be made to wear an easily identifiable uniform, similar to the orange-clad inmates on the chain gangs of Texas, but in the case of the UK, they would be white. A hat would also be provided thus making it clear to everyone within sight or sound of the perp, that they were a convicted criminal carrying out their dues.

They would be required, every Saturday & Sunday for a pre-determined period of not less than six months, to attend their local town centre & a selection of village greens, whereupon they would be made to ‘parade’ for the delight of such local populace who chose to view them. The ‘parade’ would be in the form of a quaint old English dance, performed to the accompaniment of an accordion played by a middle-aged man with a beard and a funny hat.

During said dance they would be required to wave small white handkerchiefs around while prancing up and down in time to the music, to the clapping of any such members of the public pre-notified to attend the spectacle.

Thus a favourite age-old tradition would be preserved & after a maximum of two performances the aforementioned perps would vow never to enter the judicial system ever again; crime  figures would fall through the floor, everyone’s a winner.

For more, check here.

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6 comments

  1. What’s Happening? » Blog Archive » Timeless Fitness | Weight Loss Diet says:

    [...] 200 Weeks » Cutting Crime at a Stroke [...]

    January 16th, 2009 at 01:04

  2. Oi says:

    Sorry, I just cant resist…….

    A group of blind people go on a coach trip round England. Half way to their destination they stop at a small village for a rest.

    They ask the driver if there is a village green, to which he replies “yes”.
    He takes them over to it and they tell him they’re going to play football while he has his lunch.

    He asks how they can play, when they can’t see. So they show him the special ball with bells in it and explain they follow the sound so they can kick it.

    Thinking it weird but wanting his lunch he leaves them and goes to the cafe.

    10 minutes later a villager runs in and asks him if the blind people are with him.

    He says “yes – what’s wrong”?

    “Well says the villager, you’d better come and get them. For some reason, they’re kicking the crap out of our Morris dancers.”

    January 16th, 2009 at 07:34

  3. Tannage says:

    You know, they used to handcuff convicts to wheelbarrows in the old days as punishment. I would imagine that burgling houses or mugging people whilst handcuffed to said gardening appliance would be rather difficult.

    Great blog btw!

    January 16th, 2009 at 10:53

  4. Tony F says:

    Oi! :-D !

    200, seems like a good idea to me. I wonder if that’s where Morris Dancing started?

    January 16th, 2009 at 16:42

  5. MetAnon says:

    wouldnt work… part of morris dancing involves hitting sticks against each others!
    whats wrong with bringing back the stocks in local town centres (all the village greens round here have become carparks)
    tannage – handcuffing people to innanimate objects sounds good though.

    January 16th, 2009 at 22:33

  6. Weary says:

    Smashing idea. I remember a couple of weeks ago a piece on Radio 4 talking about making offenders on community service wear fluorescent tabards with the words “Community Repayment” or something equally anonymous. Rather than “I am a convicted criminal”. Naturally the body representing Probation Officers condemned this as outrageous and stated that it wouldn’t serve as a deterrent. Immediately thereafter we had some young offender saying he wouldn’t want to wear anything like that. Well that would be a deterrent wouldn’t it?

    Incidentally, in the US, PO’s go into offenders’ addresses, p*ss test them and personally take them back to prison if they’re breaching their conditions. I’m at a loss as to what PO’s do in this country because I’ve never had had one of them contact me and say “I think Jonny Naughtyman is back on drugs, maybe you want to look at that”. I’ve contacted them about their wickedness but have never heard anything back. Perhaps someone could explain because I’m confused…

    January 17th, 2009 at 22:49

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