Just a quick note as I’m off onto night shift again in a few mins.
Can I just take this opportunity to say a big thanks for the socks you gave me last year. One can never have enough black socks & it was very ininitive of you to think of them, as you did the year before, and the year before that. Unfortunately, my chest of drawers collapsed in October under the weight of all the bloody black socks, but I can bin them all inÃ‚Â February so it’s not all bad.
I have quite a short list this year, so I hope you don’t mind me asking for a few things, I realise you probably don’t get many letters from 50 year olds, though doubtless you get lots of letters from chief constablesÃ‚Â & senior officers as most of them look like they still have paper rounds.
It would be really cool if you chivvied my commutation up. I’ve been told it will take a couple of days to get into my account. As you know, things being what they are at the moment, my bank might not exist two days after the job pays out. As the amount I’m due is an order of magnitude greater than the national fiscal resources of Iceland, you can understand how worried I am about my cash.
Is there anything you can do to get a few quid knocked off the price of a new Audi R8? I mean, they’re not selling many at the moment & I’d hate to see my local branch go the way of Woollies, a 60 or 70 per cent reduction could keep the wolf from the door. There was a two-for-one deal on cars in the paper recently but it was only for something shite like a Kia Picanto or something. Have a word. Ta.
If you could see your way clear to keep me out of trouble for the last few weeks I’d appreciate it. I know the chances of an injury on duty are slim for me these days, mouse-wrist can severely limit my private fun & those paper-cuts don’t heal themselves.
And finally, can I ask for a gift for someone else? I’m not sure if that’s the done thing, but if you could find a spare pair of balls I’m sure my chief constable could use a new set, come to that if you can source a job lot I’m pretty sure I can find homes for them all.
Thanks very much & Merry Christmas to you & Mrs Claus. I’ve left a wee dram for you but I’ll probably drink it when I get in tomorrow morning.