Bad news for comedians; the police are now vetting jokes. Anyone who tells a joke which isn’t on the police’s list of acceptable jokes faces the threat of arrest. No Joke.
Shop keeper Bob Singh runs 2 shops in Port Talbot. He regularly suffers crime, shopliftings & assaults, the normal stuff shopkeepers have to put up with. He reckons the average delay between reporting a crime & the Old Bill turning up is between 24 and 48 hours. (That’s not bad, in my force I’d say that was pretty prompt, lots of our victims have to wait a week or more)
Mr Singh has hit on a great way to get the police on his doorstep much quicker though; he simply puts a few jokes on his Christmas Special Offers flyer & officers turned up in a big van quicker than he could shout “I think it’s a racist incident”.
Bob has put jokes on his festive flyers for the last 10 years. He gets the jokes off the internet. He did the same this year and was warned that some of his jokes might be offensive. Presumably someone complained, either that or the SO25 Anti Joke Squad had a lucky break. He has been told to withdraw the leaflet by police officers. As a result he put up a sign in his shops saying:
“We would like to apologise to anyone who may have been offended by the contents of our xmas leaflet. In future we will be more politically correct. Sorry”
Examples of the now banned jokes were:
- What’s the difference between a Welsh woman and a Welsh goddess? – An eight pack of Stella from Bob’s
- Why is it dangerous to let a bloke’s mind wander? – It’s too little to be out on its own
- What is the technical name for three days of horrendous weather followed by bright sunshine? A Welsh bank holiday
- What’s the difference between a woman with PMT and a Pitbull? Lipstick.
- How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence? Stick a tyre gauge in her ear!
- What do you call a sheep with no legs? A Cloud!
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? El-if-i-no!
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have No-I-Dear.
- What do you do if your wife staggers? Shoot her again.
South Wales Police said one officer, along with a support officer and a trainee support officer had attended.
“The content of the promotional material which has been distributed has been brought to our attention as being potentially inflammatory and offensive,” said the force.
“The distributor has been appropriately advised and instructed to withdraw the leaflets from circulation.”
Tory MP for Shipley Philip Davies, a patron of the Campaign Against Political Correctness, said: ‘I just think it’s absolutely mindless that police are wasting time on this kind of stuff when there are so many violent offences being carried out in the country.
‘The police officer would have been better off telling the person who complained to develop a better sense of humour rather than going to call on a shopkeeper.
‘The jokes may not be very good, but that’s a long way from being a criminal offence.’
Mr Singh said, “I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought they were joking – but they were deadly serious. This proves the world has gone completely crazy. Why are the police getting involved in something like this?”
Bob, I couldn’t agree more.