June 26th, 2006

Bloody Football Fans

Posted in Not the Job by 200

I guess there are a few people around hoping the Portugese triumph against England next week in Germany.

Top of the list will be a certain section of senior police officers. They’ll be the ones taskled with the headache of sorting out all the England Football Disorder operations throughout the land during the course of England’s involvement in World Cup 2006.

Whenever England play in a major football tournament we have our rest days cancelled and our tours of duty extended in order to provide a mobile antidote to those who can’t resist a bit of violence & disorder whenever England play a match. We normally put out several Support Units; riot vans full of hairy-arsed coppers most of whom are pissed off because they can’t watch the match.

Advancing age & increasing decrepitness prevent me from belonging to such a unit these days, but back in the day we spent hour after fun-filled hour doing pretty much what my colleagues have been doing this week; driving from one alcohol-fuelled punch-up to the next and arresting drunken louts who use football as an excuse to progress their real hobbies.

On a related note, I wonder if the Environment Agency is at all concerned about the increasing number of St George’s flags which are now littering the highways & byeways of the country.

I counted over 70 on the journey home this week which have been left on hard shoulders and grass verges up and down the land.

I have a suggestion to deal with this, one which has several benefits; I’m presuming that the plastic arm of the car-based flags has been stress tested to a certain tolerance level such that it won’t break off the car until a certain speed is reached. All we need to know is what this speed is and then we can prosecute anyone who’s car has a broken off England flag for speeding. At a stroke we can do away with speed cameras and save a fortune in their upkeep.

We can then employ every convicted football lout on unpaid community service to rid this great nation of abandoned football flags.

I’d suggest they start with the motorways, at night, without reflective jackets.

 

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One comment

  1. gonorr says:

    not the best answer, you know that the human rights div and mrs Bliar will be on their side.

    Shoot first and ask later seems to be the answer

    July 1st, 2006 at 19:32

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